Lies, Lies, Lies, (Hell) Yeah!

My New Year’s resolution is to lie more!

(click me….I’m here to be a soundtrack for reading)

Just before bed last night, Scott and I were discussing our friends’ internet posts – specifically regarding their respective New Year’s resolutions – and I said, “Everyone’s all, ‘It’s the new me! I’m going to be more myself, more true.’ I think that’s a terrible idea. I’m going to be LESS me in 2011. I don’t think being myself is working out very well.” And, as is his reaction to most of my jokes, he chuckled and then called me retarded.

But I’m sort of serious. Because, I’m a pretty genuine person – yet being genuinely “myself” doesn’t always go my way. Honesty is seemingly not always the best policy. The problem being this: people prefer to be lied to. They will tell you otherwise, of course. They will say “Oh, I hate bullshitter’s – give it to me straight.” But if you give it to them straight, enough times, they’ll either resent it, or even just get bored with it. No one wants to hear the truth. It’s why the “Yes Men” of the world are forever secure in their jobs. It’s why some people surround themselves solely with ass-kissers, and it’s why ass-kissers so often get ahead in life. Assholes and the ass-kissers who love them: life’s “Couple Most Likely to Succeed”.

The notorious unkindness of truth: it usually, drastically departs from the lies we tell ourselves, and in turn tell others. The affectations people project in an effort to be interesting, mysterious and complicated – or to appear well-adjusted, accomplished and happy – those lies take crazy amounts of energy to maintain, are the most exhausting, and (personally) the bullshit factor therein is nauseating.

Not to say that I don’t lie. Or that I don’t have secrets. Or that I suffer from diarrhea of the truth. I won’t voluntarily tell you if I think your shirt is ugly. But if you ASK me if I think it’s ugly I’ll probably mention that it’s maybe, kinda, sorta, a little bit horrible. And I’m still learning when to hold my tongue. Over the years I’ve come to recognize when someone is “not tryin’ to hear that, see.” Sometimes we need our layers of bullshit. Sometimes it works the way padded walls do. Without it we might really hurt ourselves.

Be all that as it may (or may not?), in 2011 I think I’m going to increase my own individual level of BS. I’m just going to state random things like, “Me? Oh, I’m a fledgling astronaut”, and see where it gets me. Onto a space shuttle? Who can say? How many people will suck that up as truth, and – better still – find it fascinating. I mean, in a sense it is true – in the sense that I am inexperienced at being an astronaut, but could have entertained the idea of pursuing it as a career, and thus…’s real-ish.

Who’s to say WHAT is true. The world is my, possibly, disingenuous oyster.
It’s really a wonder lawyers aren’t more beloved.


2 thoughts on “Lies, Lies, Lies, (Hell) Yeah!

  1. Cynthia & Bob

    I heard it said that believing in something because it’s true isn’t a very good reason to believe in something. Better to believe in something because it feels good to believe it, whether anyone else thinks it’s true or not. It feels good to me to believe there’s no such thing as objective truth. Most of what passes as objective truth seems to me like just a lot of people agreeing to believe in the same thing. And if believing in it feels good to me, I’m there too. But if it doesn’t feel good to believe something just because a lot of other people seem to, I’m looking for a better-feeling thought I can make my truth.

  2. Rose

    The balance between tact and truthfulness is a tough one to strike. Because what you say is true; we all need our illusions. Some have fewer than others, but we all have them, and trying to ferret out whether someone is asking a question because they want the truth or because they want you to tell them what they want to hear can be especially tough.

    But I am all for the addition of more random nonsense to the world. I’m wracking my brain trying to remember – I was at the grocery store a while back, and the clerk asked me a question, to which I made some kind of (typical) snarky reply – something that to me was obviously sarcastic, but the kid looked at me wide-eyed and went “Really?” I remember thinking very hard about putting on my earnest face and assuring him it was true, but in the end I went with the better part of valor and admitted my snark. 🙂


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