Game Cheats for Lovers

Commiserating with an old friend today, I remarked that the most valuable token of wisdom I’ve received of late, from some brief marriage counseling last fall, was the revelation that our subconscious minds choose the mates we marry. And that same subconscious will purposefully choose a person who will poke at ALL of your sublevel sore spots. Every last one. In order to heal them. We choose partners who will pick at the concealed yet open wounds, forcing us to recognize and remedy them, rather than the easier route of leaving them to linger (and fester) in the dark recesses of the mind.

Aint’ love GRAND?!

For example, my counselor noted that though my first husband – on the surface – seems so very different from my second, he said, “They may seem night and day, but you still married the same man. The first one was chocolate flavor and this one is just strawberry flavor.” And he was right: nail, meet head. Because, despite the seeming disparity between my first spouse and my second, they both possess that special somethin-somethin’ that happens to hit on all my inner-turmoil triggers. That, and they’re both Virgos – which doesn’t mean anything (which totally means something).

But the part that excited me about this information is that we do this to ourselves so we can heal. There’s a POINT to the madness. And the point is to fix what is broken inside ourselves, not suffer and exacerbate that suffering. The silver lining is that you can mend what requires mending and move forward into a happy, healthy, truly loving relationship.

And, the real kicker is, if you don’t make it work with chocolate flavor, or figure out your bullshit with strawberry flavor, you’re doomed to repeat the heartbreaks with somebody named vanilla.

(And nobody wants that)

It makes great sense to me, since I believe we’re here on the planet to evolve and grow inwardly. It’s why I believe in kooky things like reincarnation: ain’t no way you’re gonna get it all right (or be able to soak it all in) the first time around. No. Way.

Anyhow, I’d mentioned to my friend that I wasn’t attempting to preach or dispense sage advice. It was more that this bit on the wiley ways of the subconscious (which feels true as blue) was like passing someone a helpful game cheat. Someone stuck on a particularly grueling level of the game called LOVE. Press Up, Double B, Right, Left, Left and then Start……and you can finally level up!


2 thoughts on “Game Cheats for Lovers

  1. Cynthia & Bob

    This post reminds me of a book I read a long time ago that I really liked. It’s written by Harville Hendrix and it’s title is Getting the Love You Want. He’s written a few other books I also learned a lot from.

    The part of the post that reminded me of the book has to do with the subconscious mind choosing our mate. The book has one of the easier to understand (for me) explanations for how this process might be taking place.

    I like that you point out the healing potential of the subconsciuoschoices we make.

    The one issue I might take with part of the post is the statement that “if you don’t make it work with chocolate flavor, or figure out your bullshit with strawberry flavor, you’re doomed to repeat the heartbreaks with somebody named vanilla.”

    I don’t doubt that this can be true for many, but I’m more partial to the idea that if I don’t work it out with chocolate or vanilla, I have the ability to choose to work it out with cherry and/or pistachio and/or sour apple, etc.

    Thanks for your thoughts, Nik. I enjoyed reading them.


  2. Rose

    True in many ways. I had a similar pattern with my first serious relationship (the one I almost married but didn’t)…hell, I married his best friend, fer chrissakes. And while they might seem different in many ways, there’s a surprising similarity in how we interact that rather forces me to confront my neuroses.

    And the Vanilla Ice picture had me howling. 😀


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