Dumb Deer Diary

Around 7:20 AM, going 65 mph, heading west on Arizona Highway 90, with the sun – having just finished its dawn-makin’ business in New Mexico – rising in my rear-view, I saw an impressively large male deer leap across the pavement before me.
And stop.
In my lane.

There were no other cars, though traffic was quickly rounding the bend behind me. And while I had my headlights on, he didn’t appear mesmerized by them. He came to a halt  (this breathtaking buck; this absolutely magnificent creature, with his enormous antlers, his soulful eyes) about ten feet from the hood of my car (my car…. the one with the awesome brakes) and he slowly turned his massive head my way. Nonchalant. If I spoke deer, I bet he would’ve said,”‘sup.”

My hurtling black death machine was purely an afterthought to him. And when I try to understand the reason behind his sudden, dangerous pit stop, I try to imagine his thought-process…and it sounds like this (…and he’s very fancy): “Alas, weary am I from all this graceful jaunting, to and fro, in forest-like peace and tranquility. Hark! Tis civilization, yonder! Me thinks I shall rest these weary antlers… but where?  Hmmm, I see a fast approaching contraption of certain death. What luck! I shall stop right in front of it. Splendid!”

My oh my, he was GORGEOUS. His gaze was the gaze of the ages.
And he was very stupid. And he is very, very lucky to be alive.

As traffic caught up to us, I held my right hand high over the passenger seat; Jedi-forcing the oncoming traffic to slow their mornin’ roll – which they did. And after that beautiful buck had properly assessed me, with all the interest his fairy-tail ass could muster, he bounded the remaining lanes of the highway, toward safety.

Actually, he headed toward a suburban development. So, probably not safety. But that’s okay because, as we all know, you don’t have to be smart when you’re that pretty.

I drove away from the encounter awe-struck; nearly convinced of it’s spiritual import.  A random AM eye-lock with the glorious divine. But the rest of the day proved far less enigmatic. In fact, the overwhelming theme of the office that day ( and I’m working again….but we’ll talk about that later) seemed to be that of rampant stupidity. Not by way of my co-workers, but rather their overall report of the active corporate world at large. Shocker, I know.

So was my handsome buck a celestial totem, or just the universe presenting me with its official Ambassador of Dumbass; warning me of the day ahead. Or, of course, he could just have been a deer, doing what deer have done since the dawn of motorized vehicles. But, my goodness, he was a joy to behold!
And magical. And I’m going with that.

Gary Larson's The Far Side®Gary Larson’s The Far Side®

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5 thoughts on “Dumb Deer Diary

  1. Cynthia & Bob

    Concerning the meaning of your rendezvous, I like to think it’s hard to go wrong with the better-feeling explanation. Magical celestial totem feels pretty good to me. Can’t have too many of those. -Bob

    Reply
  2. Rhonda

    Loved the deer encounter, especially his thoughts. Rampant stupidity seems to be on the rise these days. Hope you don’t have to deal with too much of it – or if you do, you are able to write about it at least.

    Reply
  3. Ambrosia Rose

    Scariest driving moment I had in Arizona (that wasn’t someone in their Ford Excursion nearly sideswiping me because how dare I drive a sporty sedan and not a SUV like a Proper Red-Blooded American) was driving my brother to Tucson via the East Gate. We were barreling along at 70 MPH when an absolutely panicked deer broke from the fields on the left and started dashing across all four lanes of traffic, right on a collision trajectory with us. Nowhere near enough room to stop, though I slammed on the brakes anyway (luckily it was during a lull in the usual traffic); I swear to god I missed him by maybe two inches. My brother was all “Damn, if I’d had the window down I could have grabbed some tail fur.”

    Reply
    1. Niki Post author

      When I worked insurance, the number one claims-related call received was, “I hit a deer. But honestly, that deer hit me. HARD.”
      Second claims call: random left turns in front of oncoming traffic on Fry Blvd.
      Third call: Old People Parking Lot Fender Bending Wars.

      I know you miss living here.

      Reply

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