Tag Archives: divorce

The Story of Unconventional Us

The story of the origin of us usually comes up when people calculate our eldest daughter’s age alongside the length of time my husband and I have been married. In response to tilted heads and quizzical looks we launch into a tale we’ve told so many times now it’s like our own very well rehearsed skit.

I usually say…
“Oh, well I brought a child into the relationship. I was previously married.”
And he usually says…
“And the only reason I got to meet her daughter was because Niki decided she wasn’t going to date me.”
“His life was a mess at the time….”
“….I was going through a divorce….”
“….wasn’t going to touch that with a ten foot pole….”
“…..she decided I wasn’t dating material……”
“…..I made it clear he was going to be my new best FRIEND…..”
“……and so I got to meet her daughter, which wouldn’t have been the case if I’d been a romantic interest….”
“….I kept my love life separate from my ‘real’ life. I didn’t want to be the mom with all the boyfriends…..”
“….but since I wasn’t ever going to be a boyfriend, I met Maddiroo right away….”
“….to this day I don’t know who fell in love with him first; her or me…..”
“…we joke that’s how I snuck in under the radar….”
“….and he we are. Happily ever after.”

And we smile; take the opportunity to gaze into one another’s eyes. And everyone smiles, and thinks whatever they think. “How sweet” or “Oh puke.” And now we won’t even have to tell the story anymore. I’ll just say, “Ya know, I wrote a blog about it.” And he’ll say, “Yeah. Like to hear it? Here it goes….”

2005

Advertisements

Game Cheats for Lovers

Commiserating with an old friend today, I remarked that the most valuable token of wisdom I’ve received of late, from some brief marriage counseling last fall, was the revelation that our subconscious minds choose the mates we marry. And that same subconscious will purposefully choose a person who will poke at ALL of your sublevel sore spots. Every last one. In order to heal them. We choose partners who will pick at the concealed yet open wounds, forcing us to recognize and remedy them, rather than the easier route of leaving them to linger (and fester) in the dark recesses of the mind.

Aint’ love GRAND?!

For example, my counselor noted that though my first husband – on the surface – seems so very different from my second, he said, “They may seem night and day, but you still married the same man. The first one was chocolate flavor and this one is just strawberry flavor.” And he was right: nail, meet head. Because, despite the seeming disparity between my first spouse and my second, they both possess that special somethin-somethin’ that happens to hit on all my inner-turmoil triggers. That, and they’re both Virgos – which doesn’t mean anything (which totally means something).

But the part that excited me about this information is that we do this to ourselves so we can heal. There’s a POINT to the madness. And the point is to fix what is broken inside ourselves, not suffer and exacerbate that suffering. The silver lining is that you can mend what requires mending and move forward into a happy, healthy, truly loving relationship.

And, the real kicker is, if you don’t make it work with chocolate flavor, or figure out your bullshit with strawberry flavor, you’re doomed to repeat the heartbreaks with somebody named vanilla.

(And nobody wants that)

It makes great sense to me, since I believe we’re here on the planet to evolve and grow inwardly. It’s why I believe in kooky things like reincarnation: ain’t no way you’re gonna get it all right (or be able to soak it all in) the first time around. No. Way.

Anyhow, I’d mentioned to my friend that I wasn’t attempting to preach or dispense sage advice. It was more that this bit on the wiley ways of the subconscious (which feels true as blue) was like passing someone a helpful game cheat. Someone stuck on a particularly grueling level of the game called LOVE. Press Up, Double B, Right, Left, Left and then Start……and you can finally level up!